The Morality of Match-Making…

The Morality of Match-Making…

From time to time, I find myself in the role of Agony Aunt, asked my opinion about matters romantic (believe it or not)  by young people who are single, would like to be married, but every time they think they’ve found Mr or Miss Right, turns out their first name is Always.  Or, in some other way, they are just not suited.  There is a particular difficulty, too, in finding a sound Catholic spouse.   More than once, I’ve found myself suggesting that while it’s all well and good leaving everything to Divine Providence, and it’s especially beneficial to pray to St Joseph,  it doesn’t do any harm to help things  along by – say, for argument’s sake – signing up to a Catholic dating site online.  Like, for example, this one

Nothing is to be lost, and possibly, a husband/wife gained.  I’ve known happily married couples who met in precisely this way.  Thing is, I’m wondering if it’s wrong to suggest that route to young people – IS it morally acceptable for young Catholics to use such sites? Should I stick to my day job (which is washing the dishes, vacuuming and keeping this blog afloat) or should I make a permanent move to Marriage Counselling?  πŸ˜€  

Whenever I’ve suggested this possibility to young people, I’ve nearly always met with the shock-horror question: but, if I meet someone, how will I say we met?  I know how I answer that – but what about you? 

In summary, a serious subject, yes, but it also gives us the opportunity for some light relief before we close down for the last week of Advent, on Sunday next.  So, your advice and thoughts welcome, but also some jokes and fun on the topic and related subjects, if you wish. 

Comments invited…





Comments (55)

  • Summa

    I think it is a sensible alternative to finding a potential spouse from within the local community.
    The risks are very high statistically of marriage dysfunction within the broader population. Even within the average non traditional Catholic parish, the outlook for marriage success is grim.
    The lack of education and commitment to the perennial teaching of what marriage is, is the norm.
    The only consciously supernatural element to the average wedding is how organic their wedding cake will be.
    Accessing a community of traditionally minded potential partners should of course be taken with a pinch of salt. But these days it would be imprudent to discount it altogether.
    I think the ideal situation would be to bring more people to tradition through marrying novus ordo Catholics and educating them alongside the courtship phase, supported by a traditional priest in a rigorous preparation for marriage program.

    December 13, 2017 at 7:37 am
    • editor


      Interestingly, your suggestion about marrying novus ordo Catholics and bringing them to Catholic Tradition is exactly what one young person suggested would be her preference in order to avoid the possibility of meeting someone of the “extremist” tendency (Thou Shalt Dress with Skirts to your Ankles, at all times!) which is, unfortunately, a bit of a risk.

      Anyway, thank you for those wise words – your age is showing already πŸ˜€

      December 13, 2017 at 9:34 am
      • Don Bosco


        That is a best extreme – the woman in question should only expect her husband to wear skirts to his knees!

        December 13, 2017 at 4:32 pm
      • editor

        Don Bosco,

        And only if they live in Scotland! In which case, best not to call it a skirt…

        December 15, 2017 at 10:55 am
  • Lily

    I agree that keeping control of who they meet through a Catholic site, is a good way for young people to meet one another these days – definitely beats pubs or nightclubs. I can’t see anything immoral about it.

    It’s a good question, how would they say they had met, and I think my answer would be “through friends” because the people running the site are true friends!

    December 13, 2017 at 11:28 am
    • editor


      I think I would say: “we met through the Church” … because if they have gone onto a Catholic site for the purpose of minimising the risk of meeting someone NOT of the household of the Faith, then, I would say that’s meeting through the Church. Someone from the Church runs that site, so I would say that is the truth.

      It’s only a little variation on yours, anyway, so we can split the difference and just say “we met…” πŸ˜€

      December 13, 2017 at 2:03 pm
  • Nicky

    Why not just say that they met through a Catholic dating site? I don’t see the issue. This is the age of technology, and nobody thinks anything of it, IMHO.

    This thread caught my interest, as I have youngsters in my family who will face the problem of trying to find a good Catholic husband/wife, but would be fearful of the kind of person they might meet through an openly “traditional” site, so I Googled and found CatholicMatch – the comments from various people endorsing it are very interesting, including this one from Michael Rose, author of Goodbye Good Men (about the way homosexuals have infiltrated and taken over the seminaries in the U.S.):

    “ is a testament to the age in which we live. It is wonderful that Catholics can meet online and possibly be called by God to marriage or even a religious vocation. This is a great example of using God’s gift of technology to evangelize and build up Christ’s Church. ”
    Michael Rose – Author of Goodbye Good Men!

    Here’s the link to it.

    December 13, 2017 at 11:37 am
    • editor


      Must study that site later – looks interesting at a quick skim.

      December 13, 2017 at 2:00 pm
    • crofterlady

      Hi Nicky,

      I checked that linked site and was impressed. However, it’s American and we are Brits; do you know of any UK or Irish sites?

      December 13, 2017 at 2:18 pm
      • Nicky


        Try this one

        They have a location chart at the foot of the page and it shows they are in various parts of Britain including Scotland.

        I do think the US site also has UK members, so also of interest.

        December 13, 2017 at 2:54 pm
      • crofterlady

        Thanks Nicky, but unfortunately they have closed the dating profile part of the site. I did see that the other site linked had some UK members, but alas, not very many.

        December 13, 2017 at 4:37 pm
    • Spiritus

      That site has both Novus Ordo and Traditional Catholics from all over the world and is quite good. It’s a pity, though that some members do not accept some of the teachings of the Catholic Church, especially concerning contraception, pre-marital relations and the Eucharist. There are also some divorced and catholics who have received annulments on there; I wonder, though, on what grounds marriages may have been declared invalid, and what is a divorced person doing on a catholic site?!

      December 14, 2017 at 12:25 am
      • editor


        Well, isn’t it better to know upfront that someone is a dissenter, rather than meet them, perhaps be attracted, grow to like them and then find it a struggle to say “goodbye”? Perhaps NOT say “goodbye” and end up in a very unsatisfactory marriage? That is, in fact, the major advantage of such sites that – unlike the local parish social – you can check out who is and who is NOT, in fact, a fully believing Catholic; the only kind you’re interested in meeting.

        I wouldn’t be concerned about those with annulments. It’s actually a good sign (unless they are among the dissenters you mention) that they are apparently seeking to make sure they meet a real, fully believing Catholic, having presumably not done so previously! We have to assume that those with annulments are genuine cases. It’s not for us to demand evidence – the applicant has to convince the marriage tribunal – not the rest of us. It’s really none of our business. And divorce is, I believe, an essential part of the annulment process, since the marriage will be legal in the eyes of the State. So, for technical, legal reasons, a Catholic may divorce. Just cannot “remarry” (i.e. marry!) in Church or with the Church’s blessing, without an annulment.

        Anyway, you just stick to the handsome candidates with no “baggage” and a healthy bank balance πŸ˜€

        December 14, 2017 at 12:40 am
    • marykpkj

      My oldest son met his wife on Catholic Match. I was relieved! They have been married for 11 years. It worked for them. πŸ™‚

      December 16, 2017 at 4:28 pm
      • Lily


        That’s great news. I am more and more of the opinion that it’s a very good idea to use such sites. It’s probably less risky than meeting in other ways because you already know the main things about the other person before you even meet in real life.

        December 16, 2017 at 9:43 pm
  • Pat McKay

    I mentioned Fr. Paul Marx recently (+ R.I.P.) on another thread.

    One of his favourite wise-cracks (Marx-isms) was this ….. ‘whether you get married or whether you don’t, you will live to regret it’……

    December 13, 2017 at 12:42 pm
  • Margaret Mary

    I can’t see anything wrong with using a Catholic dating site. At one time, I would have cringed, but now things are so bad in the world and in the Church that I’ve changed my mind completely and would want to know that young Catholics are in a safe place (not a pub or a nightclub as others have said) to meet possible marriage partners. So yes, why not?

    A joke:

    Husband: I was a fool when I married you!

    Wife: Yes, I know, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice!


    December 13, 2017 at 12:57 pm
    • editor



      December 13, 2017 at 2:00 pm
  • Pat McKay

    Barbara McGuigan was over from the States to address a Catholic conference some time ago.

    I listened intently as she told her tale about one of her daughters, distraught after she’d finished with the guy she’d been dating for a while. The daughter was tearfully saying things like ‘all men are jerks’ and ‘I’m never ever dating again’, etc.

    Barbara’s pearl of wisdom was this ….’honey, you need to find yourself a young man who loves God more than he loves you’…… The kind of classic that sticks in yer heid.

    December 13, 2017 at 1:33 pm
    • editor


      That is, indeed, a classic. Excellent advice, which I plan to pass on to my future Agony Aunt clients πŸ˜€

      December 13, 2017 at 1:59 pm
    • Spiritus

      I agree that that is excellent advise from Barbara McGuigan. A man who loves God above all things will treat his wife and family with the utmost care and respect and will lead them to God. That is the type of man that I pray to meet; there are FAR too many of the other type…!

      December 14, 2017 at 12:18 am
  • RCAVictor

    An old widower reaches his 100th birthday, and decides to celebrate by going to an elderly singles bar down the street. “Maybe I’ll meet the girl of my dreams,” he muses. So he dresses to the nines, walks into the establishment, and notices this really cute 85-yr. old woman sitting at the bar. He sidles up to her and says:

    “Hiya, toots! So tell me, do I come here often?”

    December 13, 2017 at 3:11 pm
  • Therese

    RCA – still laughing!

    A lovely old nun used to tell me to pray to St Anne to find a good spouse – “St Anne, St Anne, find me a man”!! It’s worth a try I’d say!

    December 13, 2017 at 3:39 pm
  • crofterlady

    Since we are discussing relationships and marriage, look at this good news:

    December 13, 2017 at 5:06 pm
    • editor


      I saw that yesterday – very good news.

      Today’s news from south of the border, however, is not so good. The English schools inspectorate (Ofsted) is concerned at the rise in “conservative” schools and looking at ways to deal with them because they are not (wait for this) “teaching British values.”

      We all know what that means – it means that promoting traditional marriage, and Catholic dating sites is not allowed, and may soon lead to criminal charges. The schools report was certainly given the very sombre, solemn, “this is shocking” presentation from the news woman at Sky. They don’t even hide the bias now, it’s upfront, in-your-face, “you’re not allowed to think differently from what we tell you” stuff. Yeah right.

      Poor teachers, liable to be charged with corrupting children because they refuse to teach them “British values” (LGBT activity for starters; 72 genders for seconds…paedophile rights for dessert…) As I say… Yeah right.

      I would add only one more thing to this doom ‘n gloom post, and it is this: today, a reader in England emailed about this thread, urging a note of caution to be introduced because it may be that not everyone who signs up is a genuine person. He once knew someone who would sign up to one such Catholic site only to, in the end, break off the relationship – something of a nut, I’m led to believe, but a smooth, suave, fairly well educated nut, who fooled more than one fair damsel. I think it’s worth reminding ourselves, therefore, that nothing in this world is perfect, so if anyone does encourage a youngster to sign up for one of these sites, encourage them to be vigilant in the process.

      And let them know that I’m always available to be bridesmaid. πŸ˜€

      December 13, 2017 at 6:00 pm
    • Fidelis


      That’s really surprising news and it would be good if Scotland would follow suit, since the Scots also voted against ss marriage in the consultations.

      December 14, 2017 at 7:21 pm
  • editor

    Love the jokes… Here’s another one, to keep the pot boiling…

    December 13, 2017 at 5:47 pm
  • Athanasius


    Thanks for the dating site tip offs, there’s hope for me yet!!

    I remember Les Dawson saying that he and his wife were inseparable, went everywhere together. He then followed up with “saves me having to kiss her goodbye”

    There is nothing immoral or unnatural about Catholics meeting up through a Catholic dating site, assuming it’s a trustworthy site and the Catholics adhere to the moral law. In many ways it’s better than trying to meet the right person in the secular world.

    Before Vatican II the parishes used to have dances and other events to help young Catholic men and women get together in the hope of pairing them in marriage. These events were well supervised and very successful, though gone now in our time. Catholic dating has kind of filled that space and I think it’s ok. Mind you, I’m not really aware of many Catholic couples who met through a dating site.

    December 13, 2017 at 10:21 pm
    • editor


      Les Dawson was really comical – between his wife jokes and his mother-in-law jokes, he could make even RCA Victor laugh πŸ˜€

      He once told of the time he went to the Doctor and asked for sleeping pills for his wife. The doctor asked why and he replied: “because she woke up”!

      And then there was the time six men were kicking and punching his mother-in-law and a neighbour said: “are you not going to help?” to which he replied: “no, six should be enough.”!


      December 14, 2017 at 12:05 am
      • Athanasius


        Hilarious! I loved Les Dawson’s humour.

        December 14, 2017 at 12:47 am
    • Spiritus


      I agree that these Catholic dating sites do help good Catholic men and women to meet a suitable spouse, especially a Traditional one. It is very difficult even among modern catholics to meet someone suitable. I know of at least two couples (Traditional) who met online and are now married. it’s a pity, though, that many of the Traditional Catholics are from USA.

      December 14, 2017 at 12:32 am
      • Athanasius


        I agree about the great expanse of the pond that separates the U.S. from the UK, it makes dating a tad difficult for Traditional Catholics. Still, there should be ample numbers of Catholics in each country to make up at least a few good marriages.

        December 14, 2017 at 12:46 am
  • Helen

    Seven of my acquaintances have, in the last few years, married American Catholics, all devout and mostly traditional. They met over there at various functions for youth. My goodness, do we have to send our young to the States to find suitable spouses? Can some entrepreneurial person not set something up hereabouts? I mean country has had since the Reformation time to get something going, and Ireland since Vatican 2, when the Church here fell apart over there!

    December 14, 2017 at 10:40 am
    • editor


      I was just thinking, oddly enough, (I do that sometimes!) that if anyone wishes to email Catholic Truth on the editor@ email, we can organise “blind dates” – if Athanasius applies, we can supply rose-coloured specs πŸ˜€ Kidding, of course -he’s really a handsome devil, with the emphasis on “devil” πŸ˜€

      December 14, 2017 at 11:01 am
      • Athanasius


        All these years of contributions and all I get is the offer of rose coloured specs. I think I’m worth at least a face lift, though your offer is at least better than a paper bag. Ok, that’s the devil in me!!

        December 14, 2017 at 11:45 pm
      • editor


        Well, it says something in your favour, big time, that “face lift” didn’t cross my mind…

        December 15, 2017 at 12:01 am
  • gabriel syme

    There is actually a match-making website for traditional catholics:


    (I think its the same site, with two urls)

    I remember seeing it many years ago and it was not too busy, but maybe worth a look for some people. I have not looked at it recently – we just changed our internet provider and for some reason the new one blocks dating websites!?!

    Also, there is a sub-forum at which is intended to allow traditional Catholics to make friends and form relationships. It must be successful because they have a thread called “wedding and baby tally” which is currently running to 6 pages!

    To anyone thinking of using such means of meeting a partner, I say “go for it!”.

    I actually met my own wife* through a general match-making website. After a 3-year courtship, we have been happily married for over 5 years and have just welcomed our 2nd child.

    I enjoyed the experience of meeting people through such a service, especially as I have traditionally been quite shy and unconfident and so naturally found it easier to meet people in this way. I found it a refreshing alternative to the common-place meeting of people in badly-lit entertainment venues, when both parties have taken drink. The former seems up-front and honest, the latter superficial and predatory (of course, people should take care when meeting others in any kind of environment).

    I liked the fact that such a match-making website allowed you to meet people with similar interests and values, to determine from the start if you would have things in common and if there was any possibility of a romance blossoming. While meeting someone by chance may seem more romantic, these star-crossed encounters are more the stuff of Hollywood than real life and so I prefered a more practical and efficient approach (I am a man, after all – LOL!).

    Match-making websites started to appear in the mid-90s and, if there ever was a stigma to them, it has long gone. I am not wary in the least of telling people how we met. A large number of the marriages in our social circle are also the fruit of such introductions and many others I know have tried such a service.

    * my own wife is not a Catholic (nominally protestant) and at the time of my own search for a partner I had not placed great emphasis on meeting a Catholic woman. I love my wife very much and am both fortunate and proud to be her husband.

    As to why I did not limit my search to Catholics only is because (i) Catholics are a minority in Scotland so it seemed like limiting my changes and (ii) all of my sister, mother and grandmother had married non-Catholics before me with great success. None of our partners have had an issue with our children being Catholics and they always “bend the knee” to the Church’s requirements without a fuss.

    I know (now) that the Church says its desirable to marry other Catholics, but in the modern day the risk of a non-Catholic partner having a competing religion or ideology of their own is unlikely (at least in Scotland) and so the old threat of a partner interfering with a child’s Catholicity is much reduced.

    December 14, 2017 at 2:32 pm
    • editor

      Gabriel Syme,

      If you check the introduction, that (second link, which leads to the first!) is the site to which I linked. What are you LIKE! I mean, it’s one thing not to read every single comment – I get that… But the intro? You are a rogue! I’ll win in the end, though, you must know that πŸ˜€

      As you say, it’s not unusual these days for couples to meet this way. One of my Agony Aunt clients used them and she had great fun (and me, too, listening to her adventures!) although, in the end, she married a young man whom she met socially. She used the sites, though, to keep close control over the situation, and, like you, to screen out those with whom she was unlikely to have anything in common. She was a real beauty (in fact, she worked as a beautician at one time) but was always wary of being asked out especially when, as in one case, the invitation came from a young man passing on the street who stopped her to ask for her phone number!

      Anyway, I popped in here to say that…

      Westminster Fly posted a link to the London Oratory parish site, on the Benediction thread to highlight the fact that they have regular Benediction and I found out, when I took a look at their parish bulletin, that they are not only advertising Benediction but … this…


      Catholic Singles is an organisation that helps practising Catholics to meet other Catholics. It does this by providing a strictly confidential service, sending members a monthly bulletin, which includes brief personal descriptions of themselves, if they wish, and advertises social events organised by Catholic parishes and organisations free of charge. Phone 0161 941 3498, email [email protected], or visit their website.

      Howzabout that, then, folks?!

      December 14, 2017 at 2:47 pm
    • Lily

      Gabriel Syme,

      I love your post! I especially like (and agree with) what you say about no stigma now to such sites and when I thought about it, I thought you are absolutely right to just say upfront how you and your wife met. I think that’s right. I’ve changed my mind, now and would recommend doing the same.

      I have a friend who used a dating site and made lots of good friends through it, although she married someone she met when she switched jobs. She never regretted using the sites and said it was worth it to make such good friends.

      December 16, 2017 at 9:49 pm
  • Pat McKay

    Friday evening in a bar somewhere in New York, after a hectic work-week, Joe and Bill are unwinding with the aid of a few beers.

    Joe slurs to Bill …’let me tell you about my wife. My wife’s an ANGEL’…..

    Bill’s response ….’hey man, you’re lucky. Mine is still alive’….

    December 14, 2017 at 4:50 pm
    • Fidelis

      Pat McKay,

      LOL! That’s very funny!

      December 14, 2017 at 7:15 pm
  • Fidelis

    I also can’t see anything wrong with using dating sites in this day and age – nobody has the time to go out socially that much any more, between longer working hours and distance to travel, so I think it’s good. I’d sooner see my son, if I had one, LOL! looking for some online where he could work out who is likely to make a good friend or wife, than risking meeting some two-faced female in a bar.

    I would recommend praying to St Gabriel, though, patron saint of communications, to keep them safe online, and guidance to make the correct decision before agreeing to meet someone in real life.

    December 14, 2017 at 7:25 pm
    • Spiritus

      Or St. Raphael, the patron of happy meetings, who first introduced Tobit to his wife Sara.

      December 15, 2017 at 9:21 pm
      • Lily


        I never heard that before – I thought St Raphael was the one to pray to for safe driving, so that’s a new one on me. It makes sense though!

        December 16, 2017 at 9:50 pm
  • editor

    After Mass today, I went round the men who gather in groups to gossip in our tearoom … yes, I’m sure that’s what they’re doing, anyway…

    I asked them if they knew of any young men, twenties, early thirties, who might be interested in finding a wife, and after the predictable and cheeky sarcasm, along the lines of “nobody’s THAT desperate, Pat” I told them about this thread, for the sake of those who (pretend they) don’t follow this blog.

    Following email exchanges with parents concerned that their offspring are not meeting Catholics, and have been in romantic entanglements at one level or another (in one case engaged to be married) with non-Catholics, they worry that their children will not make a Catholic marriage. Hence, I’ve been in discussions with the team about possible ways to bring young Catholics together, perhaps early in the new year.

    We’re open to ideas but so far our favourite is to organise a kind of seminar for young people on the theme of “true love…. marriage, like a dog, is for life, not just for Christmas” sort of thing, timeous, in the light of Amoris Laetitia. However – unlike our previous conferences – we would need to have a group of youngsters definitely committed to attending before we’d advertise it. So, we’d like everyone here to play their part by asking around family, relatives and friends to see how much, if any, interest there might be in such an enterprise. Those of us who are happily single should also attend, of course, to reassure the youngsters that being single is not the end of the world, and definitely beats being in an unsatisfactory or unhappy marriage.

    Our first thought was to organise something around February 14th but that may be too soon.

    Anyway, if you have ideas, please feel free either to post them here or to email me on [email protected]

    We WOULD make a small charge – probably Β£10, with student discount tickets at Β£5, because, frankly, when something is free, it is seldom valued in the same way.

    If we think we’d have a good solid attendance, we have a young priest in mind, who, I’m reliably informed, preaches brilliantly about marriage. He’s from outside Scotland, though, so, again, emphasising the point, we would need to be sure of a reasonable attendance before we would take this forward.

    Share your thoughts – but, if you’re keen to say something today, be quick about it, as we’re closing the blog down later, to allow us time to prepare for Christmas, not least, spiritually. We’ll re-open to comments on Christmas Day.

    December 17, 2017 at 2:15 pm
  • Athanasius


    I’m not so sure that young Catholics are so keen to get married young these days, and that applies equally to Traditonal Catholics.

    Your mention of students in the post above brought to my mind the numbers of young Traditional Catholics I have seen over the years fall away from the practice of the faith due to the utterly secular and godless atmosphere they encounter while boarding at a university. This is a big problem and must be a very great worry for parents.

    I have a niece and nephew both at university in Edinburgh, but they have the luxury of travelling to and from their home so are not affected by the pagan culture of living on campus. If that option were not available to them then I very much doubt that they would have been permitted to embark on university studies, their souls being far more important than a degree.

    With the Communist governments we have today all youngsters are encouraged, indeed pressured, to go on to uni after school. There are two reasons for this: First, there are no decent jobs fro young people, at least none that pay a decent salary and offer a secure employment future. Secondly, they have created the myth in society that all have a right to university education regardless of ability. Hence, the levels of education are reduced to the lowest standards so that no one feels as if they have failed. In fact they don’t even use the word “failed” in examinations any more, they use the term “yet to achieve”.

    The truth, however, is that not all young people are cut out for university. God makes us all differently and gives us all individual talents. In many cases these talents are fitted more to the domestic life or to particular ways of working with the hands. Not everyone is an intellectual with a natural entitlement to a place at uni. This is a myth of the Communist world we live in today, an offspring of the “equality” doctrine of Modernists and liberals.

    It’s important to say this because a great number are going off to university who are not even fitted to a life of study and are losing their faith as a result. Perhaps if they stayed at home and were able to get work suited to their abilities things could be different. The other problem of course is that more and more young women are encouraged to seek a degree at uni (become self-sustaining individuals), so their thoughts are far from meeting the right man and settling down as wifes and mothers.

    I’m not sure if others will agree with me on this but I think it’s a real problem, and part of the reason why young Catholic marriages, Traditional or otherwise, have depleted so dramatically in the last five decades or so. It’s a difficult problem to raise, since all parents want the best for their kids. But how many, I wonder, know deep down that their kids are not fitted to a life of study yet allow them to go off to universities because it’s expected, because there are no jobs or because they want to brag about it. This university craze has to be nipped in the bud for those not cut out for it, because the casuality list of young Catholic souls is already too great as a result.

    December 17, 2017 at 3:23 pm
    • editor


      Firstly, believe me there are some very good young Catholics, both attending the TLM and NO, who WOULD like to marry a committed Catholic. I know quite a few personally. I even know of one whose wedding has been called off due to a (better late than never) realisation that it would not work out, due to the other party not being a Catholic.

      You do, however, make crucially important points – and one of the young mothers involved in our conversation this morning, is very keen on our suggested project precisely because she thinks young people need to hear some serious talk about life in all sorts of ways, and they need to know the reality of life outside of a sound Catholic marriage. She suggested having a few people present who can speak about the dangers of cohabitation and marrying someone who is either not of the Faith or committed to another Faith, including the religion of secularism (for that is what secularism is, make no mistake about it!) She argued that part of the problem is that the young are being brainwashed with the wrong values, as we all know – and your comment about the emphasis on university education is one such “value”. I’m not going to devalue university – but even dim-witted politicians are beginning to realise that we do need plumbers and electricians as well as brain surgeons ad high court judges! What they have yet to realise is that we also need “stay-at-home” mothers if society is ever to regain its health and strength. That fact still has not dawned… And, as you say, too many parents lay emphasis on their offspring succeeding in education, perhaps more than marriage.

      Indeed, one mother who IS concerned about her children making good Catholic marriages, and is increasingly concerned because her children are not meeting Catholics – a mother who likes the idea of Catholic Truth organising something to encourage young Catholics to face the issues – nevertheless made a point to me privately about her children being “intellectual” [and thus would not settle for less in a husband or wife].

      In my reply, I made a few points including the exhortation from Our Lord to seek first the Kingdom of God and all these other things will be given to us. They should have booked me to work on Scripture translations, but there you go…

      I refer you now to my opening paragraph and suggest you get ferreting around among family and friends to see how many young men you can find who would like to attend a seminar and social on marriage in the not-too-far-distant future.

      You can be there as a Best Man For Hire – cheapest rates in Scotland!

      December 17, 2017 at 4:37 pm
  • Athanasius


    Re your last sentence, if I were a woman I would be saying “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”. Can’t think of a male equivalent. Oh, what about ‘only for hire, never for sale’!

    I was interested in the comment the mother made about her daughter looking for a husband who had similar intellect. That’s not a good sign for a young Catholic, sad to say, because it means the young lady is not looking at marriage as a supernatural union in Christ, she’s looking at it from an entirely worldly point of view. If she were to proceed from that position she would almost certainly end up with a broken marriage. She should really put the matching in God’s hands and take the man He deems right for her, as well as for himself and future family. It’s ultimately about saving souls.

    I like the idea you propose and I hope you get sufficient numbers of young interested people to carry it forward. But maybe you should think older people too. I’m not sure if there are older unmarried Catholics who would like to marry, but maybe feel a bit left behind so it would be good to put out feelers in that direction. If successful, you could then move on to an even older generation and launch a grab a granny conference!

    Seriously, your idea is excellent and I would like to see it blossom into something. Question is: Do we have enough young Catholics who would be interested in taking part? I don’t think I’m going to be of much help on that front as I don’t really know many young Catholics. I think parents of young Catholics are much more likely to be of help on that front. Still, if I get the opportunity I’ll do my bit.

    December 17, 2017 at 6:18 pm
    • editor


      Yes, I think you’re right about older Catholics – I’m thinking that our advertisement ought to be more general, not restricted to the young, so we’ll add that to our list of ideas.

      I thought you said above that you have a niece and nephew at university in Edinburgh? Well, find a way of conning them into coming, once the news breaks…

      December 17, 2017 at 8:17 pm
      • Athanasius


        My niece and nephew are not showing any signs of wanting to date right now. They are both happy in their single state at present, that’s why I didn’t suggest inviting them along. I think batchelors and spinsters run in our family, I have a number of cousins who are happy in the single state as well!

        December 17, 2017 at 8:33 pm
      • editor


        We are avoiding selling it as a “dating” meeting. Instead, we want to encourage people to come along to learn more about what marriage is really all about – as I said above, this in the context of Amoris Laetitia.

        I’ve already had people interested in coming along for that reason. In fact, one married woman, separated from her husband, said that if something like this had been available to her, she may not have made the mistakes she did make in believing everything men who promised the moon said, the scoundrels πŸ˜€ Not everyone who has expressed an interest is looking to meet someone in that sense, although we hope the occasion may be a forum for people to make new friends – a forum which may, one way or another, lead to marriage for those who choose that state. And there’s always one…

        December 17, 2017 at 9:10 pm
      • Athanasius


        Ok, I got the wrong end of the stick on that one. Love the joke at the end!

        December 17, 2017 at 9:32 pm
      • editor


        Great. We’re getting along so well, we could almost think about getting married. I said “almost”… πŸ˜€

        I’ll be closing the blog to comments very shortly, so don’t anybody try writing the Catholic Truth blog equivalent of a sequel to War & Peace – that is, don’t anybody try to answer Athanasius now… Wait until after Christmas!

        In the meantime, enjoy the final week of Advent. Pray, do penance, and if you’re wondering what to get me for Christmas, avoid this one…

        December 17, 2017 at 9:48 pm
  • Andrew Paterson

    Young people used to meet at youth clubs, and stayed on playing badminton, going on outings etc into their mid-twenties.
    The modern difficulty is that marriage is now seen as an option for thirty year-olds. Ping-pong and rock records won’t do.
    Maybe something like speed-dating evenings, where people could meet are worth setting up.
    Families need to be supportive. The former mechanisms like parish dances, or the Palais and Locarno, are not there any more. Perhaps networking, I know someone, who might suit, girl 19 looking for …

    December 26, 2017 at 5:57 pm
    • editor


      Thank you for reminding me that I need to update our suggestion for a “Marriage” project.

      Originally, as you indicate by your (very interesting) suggestion, it was conceived as a way of introducing young Catholics.

      Now, however, we have a different idea, extending the original concept somewhat, because, to our great surprise, we’ve had a lot of interest from married people who tell us they would be interested in attending a Seminar on Marriage to learn more themselves – this, in the context of the confusion caused by Amoris Laetitia, but also because, as one reader said: “I have been married for ten years, but I still have a lot to learn.”

      Hopefully, we will still attract younger, single Catholics, because some of those showing interest in the Seminar are very much interested also in helping the young to avoid key mistakes, and so there are married people with very important things to say about the best way to ensure a happy marriage.

      We’re being encourage to organise this sometime in mid-June, to cater for students who may be sitting exams in May.

      More in due course! In the meantime, continue to share your ideas. All will be given serious consideration.

      December 26, 2017 at 7:13 pm

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