Simon James Green, Children/Teens Gay Author, On The Warpath – Not A Pretty Sight, Folks!

Simon James Green, Children/Teens Gay Author, On The Warpath – Not A Pretty Sight, Folks!

Update: 16 March 2022

Incredibly, today, a snap Ofsted Inspection has taken place in the school, so I’ve opened a new discussion thread here

I will now close this thread to comments.

Original post follows…

The author – Simon James Green – enraged that his book-signing events scheduled to take place in one Catholic secondary school on Monday, 7th March and another Catholic primary school on Wednesday 9 March have been cancelled, has launched a campaign to encourage his LGBTQ+ supporters to “make a noise” – i.e. badger the Archdiocese for daring to insist that the school’s Catholic identity be protected and the event(s) cancelled.  Cheek of that archdiocese! What?!* Was that cancellation really necessary? I mean, the author, dear old Simon James Green, is quoted as saying he was merely coming in to the school to “talk about his novel Noah Can’t Even, which features a gay character.” 

What on earth is the harm in that? Buckle up and pay attention because you’re about to find out. (If you’ve not read it yet, click here to reach our original discussion on this topic).

A reader, having obtained a copy of the book (kindle edition) had a look to see whether the book is merely featuring a gay character or if it is something more than that, Trust me, it’s something (quite a lot, actually) more than that. Sit up and pay attention…

In its 230 pages, you will be surprised to learn that – for a book merely ‘featuring’ a gay character – the word “gay” comes up 64 times. For a book that isn’t at all to do with sexual activity in any way, sex comes up 83 times.  Read those two sentence again, and then move on – but I must warn readers that in the scene to follow, there is pure filth, if that’s not a contradiction in terms.  Be warned…  but also be aware that kids in Years 8 and 9 (2nd and 3rd Years in Scotland) are being encouraged to read this, and some WILL read it. May already have done so, in preparation for dear old Simon’s visit, planned so that he could – with a flourish of his pen – sign the books purchased by parents for their sons in the mistaken belief that the story merely “features a gay character”. I wonder if there would be any mention of it if the book featured a Scots character?  And if there is no Scots character, why not?  What’s wrong with having a Scots character in the book?  Racism, it’s just everywhere, isn’t it.  And Simon James Green, too, who’d have thought it?

From a skim through the book, our reader tells me,  it is quite clear that the story is in fact completely centred on the theme of how a teenage boy (Noah), from a less than ideal family situation,  ‘discovers he is gay’ … indeed…he is shocked and surprised by this given the fact that the book begins with plans to kiss a girl (kiss comes up 107 times) but then, at a drunken party, things work out differently.

Here is the scene (Warning, not everyone’s cup of tea, to put it mildly)… 

“Oh, what the hell,” Harry muttered, putting his hand behind Noah’s head and pulling him towards him. He never thought the day would come. Things like this just didn’t happen to him. So he’d never given it any thought … but now … it was… It was actually happening. To him. Their lips touched, and his heart was immediately all thump thump thump. His stomach lurching, heavy, like before an exam, or when someone says “I’ve got bad news.” Thump. Lurch. But sort of nice. And some sort of terrible. Definitely weird. Sick and warm and trembling hands that he didn’t know what to do with. What the hell was going on? What was Harry doing? Harry was kissing him, that’s what, but why? Why were they kissing? And why was Noah allowing himself to be kissed like this? Was Harry suddenly gay? Harry was never gay before. Not that Noah had noticed, anyway. And he, Noah, wasn’t gay either. Was he? They were both drunk. He couldn’t feel his nose. They were still kissing. It was tender and soft and … Harry was good at it. Had he done this before? He was a master at kissing. A pro. Noah needed to buy time. He needed to work things out. In the absence of any other options, the best thing to do was to continue kissing…. He’d come here to kiss Sophie, and now he was kissing Harry. This wasn’t in the plan! He’d been ambushed by Harry … and now his first kiss was a big gay kiss and not a girl kiss, like he’d planned … like he surely wanted? “Are you…” Noah began, desperate to buy time, “are you … are you gay … or…?” “If wanting to do stuff with other boys means I’m gay, then yes, I’m gay.” “Well, that is what it means. Unless you’re bi, or just experimenting. You know, trying things out…” “No, it’s not like that. I’m gay.” Noah nodded and swallowed hard. It all sounded very final. How had he missed this? How had he not realized? He almost didn’t want this to be true. If it was true, it had to be faced. He didn’t want to face it. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t know how. “So … is this a recent thing, or…” “Not really. I’ve just never fancied girls.” “Right. But maybe … that doesn’t mean you’ll never fancy girls. Maybe you just don’t fancy the girls at our school. Maybe that’s all.” “But I fancy the boys. Some of them.” “Right.” “I fancy you,” Harry said”

So, the book is essentially about a teenager seduced by another boy at school and then over the rest of the book confirmed into an identity that he too is in fact ‘gay’. And of course, he proves this by passionately kissing the girl he had thought himself attracted to.

His gran, who earlier in the book is depicted as the humorous, wise and loving friend to the main character, reassures Noah in his confusion…

““Gay, straight, it’s all the same. Kiss who you want, I say. You can’t help whom you love. I had a dalliance once with a girl called Meredith Southgate.” “What? Really?” said Noah, not really wanting to know, but at the same time, really wanting to know. “Don’t you be wrinkling your nose like that!” she scolded him. “You should be a bit more open-minded. I used to be your age, you know. And one day you’ll be mine, and then you can reassure your grandchildren that all the nonsense they’ve got up to is nothing new and you’ve already been there, done that, got the tea cosy.” “T-shirt.” “Just chill out about it, Peanut. You’re probably making it a hundred times worse for yourself by worrying. If you don’t care, no one else will either – react and you play straight into their hands.” Maybe she was right. Old people usually were. People could probably see it was stressing him out, so they were just winding him up even more. “You know what I did when they found out about me and Meredith?” she said. “I embraced it. I didn’t deny it. Although I didn’t confirm it either. I was aloof about the whole thing. Maintained an air of dignified silence and mystery.””

So, for a book depicted as ‘featuring a gay character’, we discover that the book is, in fact, a teen ‘discovery’ and ‘coming out as gay’ story, with the idea very firmly being placed that the correct response to a potentially passing teenage attraction, is to identify yourself as ‘gay’, and to begin relationships with a guy of the same sex as well as fantasising about other guys.

There is also a scene in which Noah blasphemously characterises the Lord’s prayer being said by a teacher in assembly:

“Let us pray,” “Our Father, who art the gay boy? Noah be his name…” Oh yes, “people have better things to think about.” “He makes Harry come. He gives him one. On earth as it is in heaven…”  “And lead him straight into temptation. Right into a gay bar. For Noah is a gay boy. Who likes to suck cock. For ever and ever. He’s gay.” “OK, sit yourselves down!” said Mr Baxter, head of year. The Year Elevens all shuffled back into their seats. Noah despondently plopped back down, straight on to a banana that the hilarious occupants of the row behind had placed on his seat during the prayer. “Awww – right up his arse!” said one of the lads. (It wasn’t.) “He loves it!” said another. (He didn’t.) “Oh, Harry! Do it to me!” sighed a girl. (Not a phrase he would ever use. He wasn’t a porn star with no class.)

Listening to the enthusiastic young woman in the video, would you have a clue about the reality of this book? Her breathless uncritical praise is really signalling the advent of an entirely new genre in its own right – how to review a book without actually detailing the content!


If you want a book that just happens to feature a gay character, try Brideshead revisited, a remarkable example of Catholic fiction. Here you see the topic navigated much more faithfully, yet totally respectfully. If you want a ‘gay coming out story’ as a celebration and induction into the fantasy world of LGBT, a world at odds with Catholic morality, try “Noah Can’t Even”.

Editor concludes…

I have no (printable) words for this author, and whoever organised his invitation into not one, but two Catholic schools.  In order to achieve these invitations, he’s had to falsely represent his books – certainly Noah Can’t Even is not a book which merely features a gay character. That is not true.

And having been caught out, with the event(s) now cancelled, we see the other side of the grinning Simon James Green – the apparently  vindictive side, where he seems determined to punish the Archdiocese of Southwark for doing what it was established to do, defend and spread the Catholic Faith, in season and out of season, against all enemies, domestic and foreign.  I am hearing from all sides that the archdiocese is not fazed, that it is standing firm and so, on this Feast of St John Ogilvie SJ, Scotland’s only canonised Reformation martyr, I cannot express sufficiently, my admiration for all those on the side of Truth who have refused to be bullied by the LGBTQ+ lobby into silence and/or compliance. Deo gratias!

St John Ogilvie, pray for us!  The Forty Martyrs of England and Wales, pray for us!  

Comments (73)

  • Max Beatson

    Just a few quick thoughts. Islam is another example of a religion that has by and large failed to modernise. Not all but certainly a good part remains rooted in the past. It survives largely by the pressures it places on families to get their children to comply. As they say get your children early etc etc. Which is partly why I don’t like religion having a role in education. It is myth based and struggles against the reality of our developing understanding of the universe and our world. Up until this point I had been heartened by the willingness of correspondents to engage with a non believer if you will. But it’s noticeable how the tone can quickly change. It’s worth noting that the Catholic Church has an astonishingly appalling history that has continued to pull power and wealth to itself despite the struggle that many catholics face in their daily lives. The abuse scandal is now spreading to Spain and the sheer scale of the suffering is unchristian and truly horrific. I have found the debate of interest and wanted to communicate to you that you are out of step with the world we now inhabit. There are ways to protect your children but banning an author is only going to lead to negative press. To the editor thank you for engaging. For the others a quote. Sadly I can’t remember where it comes from and who said it but it made me chuckle. “Christianity is a truly wonderful thing, it’s just a shame that no one practices it” You say you have rights, and you do. But so do others and they have a right to be heard and included in our society. In every part of our society including schools, churches, and all the other places where we live our lives. Religion is a part of that world but for many people it is merely a noise in the background, one that all too often denies tolerance towards others that it demands for itself.

    March 11, 2022 at 4:12 pm
    • westminsterfly

      But when you talk about Islam, isn’t that exactly what you’re saying about the LGBTQ+ agenda, which has virtually become a religion? “As they say get your children early etc etc.” Isn’t that exactly what Simon James Green is trying to do? Get them early? The LGBTQ+ lobby has learnt that lesson well. So have the Islamists. Sadly, Catholics largely haven’t and we have exposed our children to dangerous agendas as a result. Dangerous in a spiritual (eternal), mental and physical sense. You wrote “I have found the debate of interest and wanted to communicate to you that you are out of step with the world we now inhabit.” But sadly, the world we now inhabit is largely out of step with Eternal Truth and you can’t see that. I can’t help you, you can only pray for enlightenment. I also think the quote you gave is a misquote. I wonder if you meant what G K Chesterton said: “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.” And as for ‘rights’, error has no rights. Never has had, never will have.

      March 11, 2022 at 6:51 pm
    • Frankier


      I agree that we are or may be out of step with the world world we now inhabit and boy, am I glad.

      I`d hate to be in step with the author of the pornographic book about Noah. I just wonder what the craic would have been if Harry had clasped Naamah round the neck and kissed her without her permission, especially with wee Nicola`s new misogyny laws in place.

      And the author isn`t happy with the Archdiocese: maybe the Archdiocese isn`t too keen on having a rag in the school that seems to condone and encourage lawbreaking. Surely it s a serious offence for Harry to seduce Noah without his consent whilst under the influence of drink and maybe underage and you talk about child abuse.

      You are, of course, correct about the child abuse being on the march. It seems that it called into Buckingham Palace for the ransom money before it went to Spain.

      March 12, 2022 at 7:50 pm
  • Peter file

    shame on you – the writer of this blog, as well as being the 2007 runner up for bigot of the year. Also shame on any one who supports her foul comments. All of you on this post share the same responsibility as the pedophile priests for giving Catholics a bad name. 99% of Catholics are tolerant if not supportive of the LGBTQ+ community but homophobes like your self make a lot of noise and ruin our reputation. Your evidence for what you call porn is ridiculous and you call it disgusting yet you preach all of this hatred and say you’re doing gods work. Grow up and realise that gay people are not pedophiles and are regular people, unlike yourself who clearly was dropped on your head as a child and then locked in a cupboard for 18 years with nothing but the old testament to read. Love and acceptances was the way of Christ your barbaric beliefs are not the way a catholic should behave.

    PS: you are not 29 you are at least 80 looking at your you tube Chanel. lying is a sin Patricia.😊

    March 11, 2022 at 10:33 pm
    • editor

      Oh, you’re a hard man, Peter. I’m not 80 although I’m heading that way (so are you, of course – and don’t worry about it, because the alternative is worse 😀 )

      Yes, I’d almost forgotten that I was nominated for the Stonewall Bigot of the Year some time back, but I was beaten by, can you believe it, an Anglican bishop. Ach well, maybe one of these days…

      March 11, 2022 at 11:19 pm
      • westminsterfly

        Editor CT,
        Sorry to break this news to you, but it looks like you might never hold that coveted position. Stonewall is no longer flavour of the month with the chatterati: and when the BBC dumps you for impartiality concerns, you KNOW you’re in trouble!

        March 12, 2022 at 2:58 pm
      • Josephine

        Westminster Fly,

        LOL! I heard that a while back that the BBC were drawing back from their relationship with Stonewall. I knew it wouldn’t end well, just didn’t think it would be so soon!

        March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm
    • westminsterfly

      Whatever age you are Peter, you need to grow up. The piece in the introduction to this thread, blasphemously parodying the Lord’s prayer, written in Simon James Green’s book, shouldn’t even be read by adults – let alone children. Blasphemy like this – mixing homosexual acts/words with sacred Christian prayers/symbols in a very explicit way, is indicative of some degree of diabolic activity within or operating on the person – and I have encountered it before (read the Open Letter to Archbishop Longley about the notorious Soho ‘gay’ Masses – reprinted in Catholic Truth magazine and possibly on this blog somewhere.) In that case, solid evidence was gleaned that one of the Soho Mass organisers was reading and promoting a blog by a ‘gay’ Catholic priest featuring pictures of men having sex with men and discussing things like shouting out the Holy Name of Jesus and the f*** word, while having anal sex. You could make this stuff up, and sadly – I didn’t. Read the article I posted above – and it is by a same-sex attracted man:

      March 12, 2022 at 8:53 am
  • Paul Wilcox

    One can very easily argue that the book is inappropriate, a view that I myself share, and that a 12/13 year old is probably better off without seeing it. But I believe that the children of the school should be given the choice of what and what not they want to partake in.

    Now I think that the argument should not be whether or not the book was appropriate but rather should it have been cancelled/ banned.

    March 11, 2022 at 11:28 pm
    • Ignatius

      The event was compulsory, there was no ‘choice’ at all in this, it was being imposed.

      Moreover, the ‘choice’ was already made by sending your child to a catholic school in the expectation that they would not be fed with unhealthy, pornographic material contrary to their faith and development.

      March 12, 2022 at 9:11 am
  • Frankier

    I can just imagine this character writing this filth. Sitting in a locked room, sweating like a pig, hands shaking with excitement, imagining that he had a young boy in his clutches. I wouldn`t let him near a burst sewer far less a Catholic school.

    March 12, 2022 at 1:28 am
  • editor

    I have just posted this update on the original JFS thread – posting here, for the record…

    News just in…

    Fr James Clark has resigned from his position as Chaplain to The John Fisher School. A source close to him has informed me that Fr. Clark decided he simply couldn’t work in a school that was promoting and selling unsuitable, pornographic, material to children.

    This is sad – and very disturbing news. In fact, that any Catholic school should be so far gone, so lacking in a sense of morality, so unable to distinguish right from wrong, so imbued with the spirit of the age that a priest has to acknowledge that he cannot work effectively in that environment, is beyond “disturbing”.

    I have been arguing for years now that Catholic schools are finished. I, too, was forced to resign from a Catholic institution because the so-called liberals and modernists, very much opposed to Catholic morality on sexual matters, and just about everything else, didn’t want the Faith taught to students.

    It’s long-overdue time for the Bishops to obey the instruction of Pope John Paul II to remove the title “Catholic” from those institutions which do not deserve it, due to the kind of infidelity in teaching which we are witnessing at the JFS, and indeed in our own so-called Catholic schools in Scotland.

    Quoting from Pope John Paul II in Veritatis Splendor: “ A particular responsibility is incumbent upon Bishops with regard to Catholic institutions. Whether these are agencies for the pastoral care of the family or for social work, or institutions dedicated to teaching or health care, Bishops can canonically erect and recognize these structures and delegate certain responsibilities to them. Nevertheless, Bishops are never relieved of their own personal obligations. It falls to them, in communion with the Holy See, both to grant the title “Catholic” to Church-related schools,179 universities,180 health-care facilities and counselling services, and, in cases of a serious failure to live up to that title, to take it away.” (# 116)

    Let’s remember Fr Clark in our prayers – I don’t know him personally, and have had no contact with him throughout this entire situation, but my guess is that he was right to resign, to obey Our Lord’s injunction to “shake the dust”. Once it becomes clear that we can do nothing to improve such a situation, that’s all we can do. Leave them to their spiritual blindness, and move on to more promising pastures. Let’s pray to Our Lady of Fatima, who forewarned us of precisely this sort of diabolical disorientation, where a “gay author” is more welcome in a Catholic school than a conscientious priest, that Father now enjoys peace of soul and a fruitful apostolate in his parish.

    Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for him!”

    March 12, 2022 at 9:15 am
  • westminsterfly

    No one has answered my question – is Simon James Green booked to speak to children / sign his books in any Islamic schools. Try getting an answer: or by post: Simon James Green, c/o Harriet Dunlea, Scholastic Children’s Books, Euston House, 24 Eversholt Street, London, NW1 1DB, UK. Failing that, ask the Association of Muslim Schools:

    March 12, 2022 at 7:14 pm
    • editor

      Sorry, WF, I meant to look into that but I’ve just been totally swamped with one thing and another. It’ll be Monday before I can action it, but I will do. It’s important if he’s targeted Catholic schools and caused the resignation of a good priest – so I’m very curious to find an answer to your question, be assured.

      March 12, 2022 at 10:54 pm
  • gabriel syme

    What good news this event has been cancelled.

    No surprise the LGBT response has been to howl at the moon in the kind of tantrum we see anytime they encounter someone who hold different views to them.

    It is a shame that Fr Clark has resigned from his post, but he must do what he feels right.

    March 12, 2022 at 11:01 pm
  • Josephine


    Have you see this write up at Church Militant?

    March 14, 2022 at 6:17 pm
    • editor


      Thank you for posting that – it is now definitely time for the Archbishop to use the powers he has to remove the title “Catholic” from the JFS – it’s anything but Catholic.

      Quoting from Pope John Paul II, Veritatis Splendor: “A particular responsibility is incumbent upon Bishops with regard to Catholic institutions. Whether these are agencies for the pastoral care of the family or for social work, or institutions dedicated to teaching or health care, Bishops can canonically erect and recognize these structures and delegate certain responsibilities to them. Nevertheless, Bishops are never relieved of their own personal obligations. It falls to them, in communion with the Holy See, both to grant the title “Catholic” to Church-related schools,179 universities,180 health-care facilities and counselling services, and, in cases of a serious failure to live up to that title, to take it away.” (# 116) Veritatis Splendor (The Splendour of the Truth), 6 August, 1993…

      The sheer nerve of those parents – and where are the parents who support the archdiocese? Keeping mighty quiet, which is all the more reason for the archbishop to end this school’s days as a Catholic institution. I’ve met members of the Orange Lodge with more Catholic and moral sense.

      March 14, 2022 at 10:53 pm
    • editor

      Having now read the entire report, with MPs comments, I’ve now written to the MP as follows…

      Elliot Colburn,

      I have just read your comments in My London, reported on MSN and I am astonished that you would approve pupils in Years 8 and 9 being encouraged to read the pornographic material in Simon James Green’s book, Noah Can’t Even.

      Giving you the benefit of the doubt – assuming you are unaware of the filth in that book – I am including a link to our blog discussion on the topic, in which I have, reluctantly, copied a disgusting scene from that book.

      I would be grateful for your confirmation, on reflection, that – as any right-thinking person would agree – this material is totally unsuitable for young people of any age, but certainly for children as young as Years 8 and 9.

      I look forward to your reply. Thank you.

      In case anyone else wishes to contact him, his email address is
      and he wishes to be addressed as Elliot Colburn. He also requires your home address, just to keep the Westminster protocol, when dealing with members of the public who are not his constituents (standard parliamentary practice).

      March 14, 2022 at 11:17 pm
      • Nicky


        I remember when Muslim parents were protesting outside a Birmingham school because they objected to the LGBTQ+ content of a programme being used in classes. Some MPs did protest, always on the grounds of the need for tolerance, compassion, etc. But where is the tolerance for those of us with a different point of view, different beliefs that are non-negotiable?

        The call for “tolerance” is a cover for “shut up and let us get on with brainwashing your kids”.

        For once, cancel culture worked against these morons and they can’t take it.

        March 15, 2022 at 10:53 am
  • editor

    I have just emailed the Catholic Education Service, as follows:

    Please forward this to the person responsible for the quoted remarks below…

    The Catholic Education Service is quoted across the internet, on multiple outlets, as follows – this in regard to the cancellation of the gay author’s visit to promote his pornographic book, Noah Can’t Even, remarks which make clear that you do NOT support the archbishop, and thus Catholic teaching on the unacceptability of homosexual activity which cannot be approved under any circumstances. (Catechism of the Catholic Church # 2357)

    “We are aware and appreciate that Mr. Green has visited other Catholic schools who have not found his visit problematic,” a CES spokesperson told i News. “This isolated incident has given a false impression of the inclusive nature of Catholic schools,” it said in a statement Thursday.

    This is a shocking statement, attributed to an agency of the Bishops Conference of England and Wales. The very idea that the other schools to which you refer, have no problem with pornography, is utterly reprehensible. I would be grateful, therefore, if you would visit the link to our blog discussion below, where I have copied out material from Green’s book. It is nothing short of pornographic, and if the CES supports this sort of thing – as you appear to do – then it’s time the title ‘Catholic’ were removed from all schools which currently enjoy your approval.

    You can read the filth in Noah Can’t Even at this link

    However, I must allow for the possibility that you have not actually read the content in the book until now, and, therefore, I look forward to your reply, with an assurance that you will withdraw your support from those seeking vengeance on the archbishop for doing nothing more than his episcopal duty.

    Kind regards

    March 15, 2022 at 11:19 am
  • editor

    Today, 16 March, a snap Ofsted Inspection has taken place at the JFS. You can read about it on this new thread

    I will now close this thread to comments, with thanks to all who have contributed.

    March 16, 2022 at 5:58 pm

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