No Wokery Here – Jokery Welcome…editor
It seems a very long time since we’ve had a Jokes thread – so let’s hope this one has been worth the wait.
Note to the woke: no offence is intended by any of our jokes – any offence caused is purely coincidental 😀
The one and only rule is that the jokes and funny stories posted here must be of the “good clean fun” variety – that understood… enjoy!
I’m not going to hog the thread, I promise, and I can tell a joke without the aid of a video – but I can’t resist posting this very funny clip!
LOL! Loved that cat joke. Here’s mine.
Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
A: To keep an eye on the mouse!
I really like the cat joke!
Q: What do you get it you ask a politician to tell ‘the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth’?
A: 3 different answers
LOL! That made me think of a courtroom joke and witnesses. This one is my favourite.
This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript:
Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
That lawyer story is hilarious – it’s hard to believe anyone could actually say that!
Here’s one about climate change, LOL!
We haven’t found a solution for climate change yet, but… …we’re definitely getting warmer.
Priceless! I must send that to a friend who has solicitors in her family! They’ll laugh! I hope!
A blondie joke!
Blonde – what does IDK mean?
Brunette – I don’t know
Blonde – O my goodness – nobody does!
I always laugh at the blondie jokes – serves them right for being so pretty 😀
Love the idea of a jokes thread!
This video joke is funny IMHO! Made me LOL!
A boat was carrying people of many different nationalities. The boat was too heavy and the captain ordered every nationality to reduce the load.
The Italian said his country had lots of pasta so he would throw the pasta overboard.
The Frenchman said his country had lots of champagne and he would throw the champagne overboard.
The Pakistani looked at the Scotsman and said, “Don’t you dare!”
Thankfully, we seem to have a very happy and integrated Pakistani population, so I think they’ll enjoy the joke as much as anyone else. Made me smile 😀
I don’t think there’s many woke Pakistanis. They are too sensible and respectful. I’ve always found Pakistani people very pleasant and friendly.
Me, too. Not so sure about teachers though – here’s a teacher joke…
Q: How do you comfort a grammar teacher?
A: Say… “They’re, there, their.” 😀
After Mass one morning, widower Paddy showed up at the sacristy door and told Father Flanagan, “Father, I’m very sad today. The dog me wife gave me before she died has now passed as well.” “Ah, what a shame,” said the priest. “Well,” said Paddy, “I came to ask you if you would say a Mass for me dog.” “Are ye daft, man?” Father asked, a bit perturbed. “I can’t say a Mass for a dog! Go down the street to the Presbyterians and see what they can do for you.” “Ah, it’s a good idea, Father. Do you think the thousand pounds I was going to give you as a Mass stipend will be enough for them?” “Holy mackerel!” exclaimed Father Flanagan, “why didn’t you tell me that the dog was Catholic?”
LOL! That’s really funny!
Great joke – and it reminds me of this one although I always have to check the definition of “jackass” which, for the bloggers here who may not know, is a donkey. Anyway, here’s some fun…
An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas.
He rose from his bed one morning; It was a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. So he promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
“And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’ yer lads to take care of the matter.”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Then, Father O’Malley replied, “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
A very funny joke, dear Editor, with an unusual double punch line! Well done! You will have to do this more often, as I have so many more. . .
I have so many more…”
Keep them coming!
PS I sent your joke about the dog/Mass stipend to a Protestant Minister friend who replied, in appreciation: “very funny!”
Editor: I don’t know how you got through the moderation file but your comment was disgusting and I’m now blacklisting you. You have trolled here for years and are extremely anti-Catholic. No more nice Miss Gal..
Father Flanagan comes outside the front door of his Dublin church and sees Paddy across the street, bouncing off the walls drunk. “Drunk again, Paddy” shouts Father. “Aye, me too, Father”, replies Paddy.
I see the gravity of our situation is still inspiring comedy, so here’s one for the musicians among us (I know Petrus will get it!):
A “C,” an “Eb” and a “G” walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors here!”
I got it – memories from music lessons in primary school, would you believe. WHAT a memory! Very funny joke!
That’s just a MINOR detail. Nothing major!